In the framework of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), tackling confirmation bias—the tendency to seek out or interpret information in ways that confirm pre-existing beliefs—requires a focus on fostering understanding, curiosity, and connection rather than confrontation. NVC’s emphasis on empathetic dialogue and meeting universal needs offers strategies to address confirmation bias effectively. Here’s how: - [ ] Discuss how biases are related to NVC philosophy #Learn 🆔 j0hZF4 1. Cultivate Empathy and Understanding • Principle: Confirmation bias often arises because people feel their beliefs are tied to their identity or needs for safety, belonging, or certainty. Empathy addresses these underlying needs, helping to create a space where new perspectives can be considered. • NVC Strategy: • Listen without judgment. Reflect back the other person’s feelings and needs without challenging their beliefs directly. • Example: If someone expresses resistance to climate change policies, you might say: • “It sounds like you’re feeling concerned because you value economic stability and fairness. Is that right?” • This approach helps them feel heard, reducing defensiveness. 2. Use Observations Instead of Evaluations • Principle: NVC encourages separating observations (facts) from evaluations (judgments or opinions). This can help counteract confirmation bias by focusing on objective information rather than emotionally charged or biased interpretations. • NVC Strategy: • Present observations as neutral as possible. For example, instead of saying, • “You always ignore the evidence about climate change,” say, • “I’ve noticed that when we discuss climate change, you bring up concerns about economic costs. I’d love to explore those together.” • This approach avoids triggering defensive reactions and opens the door to dialogue. 3. Appeal to Universal Needs • Principle: Confirmation bias often reflects deeper needs (e.g., safety, belonging, certainty). By identifying and addressing these needs, you can create common ground and reduce resistance to alternative viewpoints. • NVC Strategy: • Focus on shared human needs rather than conflicting beliefs. • Example: If someone denies the importance of diversity, you might reframe the conversation to focus on their need for fairness or stability: • “It seems like you care deeply about fairness and ensuring everyone has a chance to succeed. Can we explore how diversity might contribute to that?” 4. Foster Curiosity Through Requests • Principle: Confirmation bias thrives on rigid thinking. Encouraging curiosity and dialogue can soften this rigidity and create space for reflection. • NVC Strategy: • Make non-demanding requests for reflection or exploration. • Example: • “Would you be open to looking at another perspective on this topic with me? I’m curious to understand how it aligns with what’s important to you.” • This shifts the focus from proving one viewpoint “right” to collaborative exploration. 5. Avoid “Right-Wrong” Thinking • Principle: Polarising language reinforces confirmation bias by framing the conversation as a debate where one side must “win.” NVC seeks to replace this with mutual understanding. • NVC Strategy: • Avoid labels or value judgments (e.g., “ignorant” or “wrong”). Instead, express your own feelings and needs authentically. • Example: • Instead of: “Your belief is harmful and unfounded,” say: “I feel concerned because I value fairness and inclusion. Can we talk about how your perspective addresses those values?” 6. Use Self-Empathy to Stay Grounded • Principle: Conversations about deeply held beliefs can be emotionally charged. Practicing self-empathy helps you manage your own reactions and model openness for others. • NVC Strategy: • Identify your own feelings and needs before engaging. • Example: • If you feel frustrated by someone’s refusal to consider evidence, pause and reflect: • “I’m feeling frustrated because I value understanding and progress. How can I communicate this in a way that fosters connection?” 7. Invite Collaborative Problem-Solving • Principle: Tackling confirmation bias works best when both parties feel like collaborators rather than adversaries. • NVC Strategy: • Frame disagreements as opportunities to solve a shared problem. • Example: • “We both seem to care about the wellbeing of our community. Can we brainstorm ways to address your concerns and mine at the same time?” 8. Encourage Reflection Through Nonjudgmental Feedback • Principle: Feedback that challenges confirmation bias works best when it’s presented without judgment or blame. • NVC Strategy: • Share your observations and feelings without demanding change. • Example: • “When I hear you say that immigrants take away jobs, I feel concerned because I value fairness and opportunity for everyone. Would you be open to discussing other factors that affect job availability?” Summary of Key Practices 1. Empathy: Address underlying needs driving the belief. 2. Neutral Observations: Stick to facts without evaluation. 3. Shared Needs: Highlight universal values and goals. 4. Requests for Exploration: Foster curiosity instead of debate. 5. Self-Connection: Stay grounded through self-empathy. 6. Collaborative Framing: Emphasise teamwork in finding solutions. By focusing on connection, curiosity, and universal human needs, NVC provides tools to gently disrupt confirmation bias and create space for meaningful, transformative dialogue. ![[Self-Judgement Sheet.pdf]] # Cup of Empathy She says don’t let capitalism or your jackal say to you that you must make effort to get on with everyone - ‘In realising this, I changed my perspective. This is how I see it now: some people we get along with better, without needing to put much energy. We only have one life. Why not focus on those people? And free up the people that we fit less well with, for their ideal matches? There will always be people we want to put that extra effort in because we can't choose them, like family members or certain colleagues. So..why not choose ease in love and [[Friendship]]?’ With this in mind, I have started to add to my NVC tools some methods to recognise a healthy match. I love the 5 criteria of relationship therapist Myra Kirshenbaum.  She says we need these 5 things, all of them, as a solid basis for a love relationship.  The 5 criteria are: 1. Connection. A sense that you just get the other person, and the other person just gets you, without too much effort. 2. Safety. Your partner has their life in order to an extent that it does not over-burden you. They may be dealing with issues, but have a therapist, for example. 3. Fun. You naturally have fun with your partner, without needing to resort to big endeavors like fancy holidays. 4. Attraction. You find them attractive and they find you attractive as well. 5. Respect. You are not looking down on them or looking up to them. And the same goes for how your partner sees you. [[Drawing ideas]] Create illustrations of these 5 rules. What are the modern cultural [[Memes]] about relationships? ‘I would love to find a way to get both our needs met’ >We talk first about how to get conscious of this internalized thinking that’s making you angry and how to transform that into what needs of yours have not been met by what the other person has done, and then how to proceed from that consciousness to create peace again between you and that person. >The first step in expressing our anger, managing it in harmony with NVC, is to identify the stimulus for our anger without confusing it with our evaluation. The second step is to be conscious that it is our evaluation of people—in the form of judgments that imply wrongness—that causes our anger. An Illustration # Needs = Judgements ##### Developing a Literacy of Needs >This [[Practice]] requires that we develop a literacy and a consciousness of our needs. With a greater vocabulary of needs, we are able to more easily get in touch with the needs behind the judgments that are making us angry. >when people are trained to think in terms of wrongness of others, they are often blind to what they themselves need. You can’t express a judgment or analysis without exposing a hidden need behind it. Needs are attached to judgements NVC shifts people away from the roles in [[The Drama Triangle]] by encouraging awareness and taking responsibility for one’s own feelings and needs, rather than blaming others (Persecutor), rescuing without consent (Rescuer), or feeling powerless (Victim). It promotes authentic, compassionate dialogue, breaking the cycle of conflict. Just listening to Piers Morgan Vs Mearsheimer - one of the most underrated things about John’s interviews is that he doesn’t get angry and just says the facts. He’s a great example of doing NVC. In some ways, is NVC just about saying the intelligent thing and not going along with our initial emotions and here-say? # Developing a Vocabulary of Needs  ## Enneagram type & The Four Stages of NVC Assigning each Enneagram type to one of the four stages of Non-Violent Communication (NVC)—Observation, Feelings, Needs, and Requests—can bring interesting insights. Each Enneagram type, drawing on its specific intellectual strengths, is naturally inclined toward a particular stage in the NVC process. Here’s how each type may align with these stages based on their intellectual expressions and motivations: **1. Observation Stage** The Observation stage of NVC focuses on objectively noticing facts and events without interpreting them through the lens of emotion or judgment. Types that excel in _analytical intelligence_ or _practical intelligence_ are often well-suited for this phase. • **Type 1 (The Reformer)**: Type 1s are detail-oriented and value accuracy, making them adept at objective observations. Their analytical intelligence supports their ability to notice specific behaviors without allowing personal bias to influence their assessments. • **Type 5 (The Investigator)**: With strong analytical intelligence and a tendency to seek knowledge, Type 5s are naturally inclined to observe and analyze. Their detached, objective perspective allows them to gather information without heavy emotional involvement, ideal for the Observation stage. • **Type 6 (The Loyalist)**: While they are motivated by a need for security, Loyalists excel in practical intelligence and often make careful observations, especially regarding risks or inconsistencies. Their attention to detail enables them to provide objective input during this stage. **2. Feelings Stage** The Feelings stage requires emotional awareness and the ability to understand and express one’s own emotions accurately. Types with strong _emotional intelligence_ and _creative or intrapersonal intelligence_ excel in this step, as they are naturally attuned to emotional nuances. • **Type 2 (The Helper)**: With their high emotional intelligence, Type 2s are highly aware of emotions—both their own and others’. They can easily express feelings in an open and supportive way, making them naturals in this stage. • **Type 4 (The Individualist)**: Type 4s’ creative and intrapersonal intelligence gives them a deep understanding of their inner emotional landscape. They excel in authentically expressing and naming their feelings, often going to great lengths to capture emotional depth. • **Type 9 (The Peacemaker)**: Although they sometimes avoid conflict, Peacemakers possess high emotional intelligence and are tuned into the emotional states of those around them. They bring a calm, empathetic perspective, which aids in clarifying and expressing feelings in a non-confrontational way. # Beyond Judgment ![[NVC Heads - Beyond Judgement.jpg]] **3. Needs Stage** The Needs stage is about identifying underlying needs driving emotions. Types that demonstrate strong _intrapersonal intelligence_ (self-awareness) and are motivated by authentic self-expression and understanding are well-suited to this part of NVC. • **Type 4 (The Individualist)**: Type 4s are acutely aware of their inner needs and values. Their intrapersonal intelligence helps them articulate what is truly important to them, enabling clear expression of underlying needs. • **Type 5 (The Investigator)**: Investigators’ introspective nature and self-awareness help them articulate their needs with clarity, often in an objective manner. They tend to communicate needs in a straightforward way, minimizing emotional charge. • **Type 7 (The Enthusiast)**: Although they are often spontaneous and optimistic, Type 7s have a strong awareness of their desires and needs. Their creative intelligence allows them to envision fulfilling these needs in positive, often innovative ways. **4. Requests Stage** The Requests stage involves making clear, actionable requests to meet needs. Types with _practical intelligence_ and strong _social or interpersonal intelligence_ are often naturally skilled at this stage, as they can make specific requests that consider both their needs and the needs of others. • **Type 3 (The Achiever)**: With strong practical and social intelligence, Type 3s are adept at making actionable requests in a straightforward way. They focus on achieving results and tend to be goal-oriented, which allows them to be clear and efficient in the Requests stage. • **Type 8 (The Challenger)**: Eights are natural leaders who don’t hesitate to ask for what they need directly. With a focus on practical intelligence and interpersonal dynamics, they tend to make bold, assertive requests while respecting boundaries. • **Type 9 (The Peacemaker)**: Although they prioritize harmony, Peacemakers are able to make requests in a way that minimizes conflict. Their emotional intelligence and sense of empathy allow them to phrase requests in a gentle, approachable manner. **Grouped by NVC Stages** This model groups types into NVC stages as follows: • **Observation**: Types 1, 5, 6 – Analytical, objective, practical observers. • **Feelings**: Types 2, 4, 9 – Emotionally attuned, empathetic communicators. • **Needs**: Types 4, 5, 7 – Self-aware, authentic articulators of underlying needs. • **Requests**: Types 3, 8, 9 – Direct, actionable requesters with an emphasis on results and respect. In this way, each type brings a unique strength to the NVC process, enriching communication with perspectives from diverse intellectual expressions and interpersonal styles. This alignment can help each type leverage their natural skills for more effective, compassionate, and authentic communication.