In "The Four Tendencies" by [[Gretchen Rubin]], an "Obliger" is a term used to describe someone who readily meets outer expectations but struggles to meet inner expectations. To maintain a healthy balance, Rubin suggests several strategies for Obligers: 1. External Accountability: Obligers thrive when they have external accountability. They should consider finding an accountability partner, joining a group or class, or hiring a coach to help them stay on track with their goals. By having someone to answer to, Obligers can stay motivated and meet their commitments. 2. Deadlines and Schedules: Establishing clear deadlines and creating a structured schedule can be effective for Obligers. By setting specific dates and times for tasks, obligations, and self-care activities, Obligers can ensure they follow through and avoid the tendency to prioritize others over themselves. 3. Outer Expectations as Inner Expectations: Obligers can transform inner expectations into outer expectations by making them more visible and tangible. This can involve sharing their personal goals with others, using technology tools or apps to track progress, or creating external consequences for not meeting their objectives. 4. Group Support: Joining a community or support group can provide Obligers with the encouragement and accountability they need. Being surrounded by like-minded individuals who have similar goals and challenges can create a sense of camaraderie and motivate Obligers to stay committed. 5. Delegate and Outsource: Obligers tend to struggle with self-imposed tasks but excel at fulfilling commitments to others. Therefore, they should consider delegating or outsourcing certain responsibilities to others when possible. By sharing the load, Obligers can alleviate the pressure and focus on what truly matters to them. 6. Self-Care as an Obligation: Obligers often put the needs of others before their own, neglecting self-care. It is crucial for Obligers to recognize that self-care is an essential obligation and not a luxury. By viewing self-care as something they owe to others (as it allows them to better fulfill their outer expectations), Obligers can prioritize their well-being. Remember that these strategies are general suggestions, and individual preferences and circumstances may vary. It's important for Obligers to experiment and find what works best for them in maintaining a healthy balance and meeting both outer and inner expectations.